This morning baby boy threw a toy car at my face. It hurt, a lot! It made me cry! A minute later he threw another one. For a horrible second I didn’t want baby boy anywhere near me. I didn’t like him! But then I looked at him. He was staring up at me as the tears streamed down my face and he looked so confused. I just scooped him up and hugged him close. I couldn’t do anything else. In that moment I felt like the whole world was on top of me.

I’ve not been a good mummy for about a week now I would say so I probably deserved the cars in my face. I am full of cold and this pregnancy is draining me. I can’t get down on the floor for very long to play cars and we haven’t been to the park in too long. However baby boy seems to forgive me for this. He still brings me books to read, he still wants cuddles, he still wants me to kiss his hand better (and then the other hand) and he still looks at me as though I am the best mummy in the world. I resolved today to do better. I will force myself out of the house at least once a day and I will play any game that baby boy wants to play. He deserves it!

I do want one thing though, as selfish as it sounds. I want a tiny bit of guilt free time for me. I want to maybe lay on my bed with a cup of tea, a biscuit and my kindle. I want to have a bit of time when I am not feeling guilty that the washing up hasn’t been done, the laundry is behind, the floors need hoovering and so forth. I understand that in order to do this I would have to be on top of the jobs in the first place which for me really is impossible but a girl can dream!

Until then I will relish in my baby boy. I will be glad every day that even though I am not a perfect parent, baby boy doesn’t care. He is happy with just me!

Do you feel like you just don’t cut it sometimes?

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