I am fat! There, I said it. I don’t like the fact that I am fat. In fact I hate it. But fat I am nonetheless.

I wasn’t always fat. I was actually a very healthy weight up until I went to university, not that I thought it. I had a terrible body image and throughout my teenage years I would go on all sorts of fad diets. I look back now and wonder what on earth I was thinking!

So anyway, I really am fat now and I need to get my ass into gear and do something about it. I joined slimming world a few months ago and lost just over a stone in a month. I then hit a wall! I just lost all motivation. I went back last week and although I have been good this week, my motivation is still awol.

Now people can tell me until they are blue in the face that it is easy to lose weight but do you know what, I don’t find it easy. I know that I have to eat less, eat better and do more exercise. I know that! It’s easier said than done though. I can go to bed with all the will in the world and the determination to get up half an hour earlier the next morning to work out before the children wake up. 2 night feeds, countless dummy trips and a screaming toddler later the workout is literally forgotten. I honestly mean that I have no recollection of my intention the previous evening. The eating is another big issue. Some days it goes well and I stick to my healthy meal plans and feel amazing. The next day, by the time I have made breakfast for baby boy, fed baby girl, made more breakfast for baby boy, cleared up the mess that baby girl threw all over the floor, stopped the tantrum that baby boy started over his toast being the wrong shape and then put baby girl down for a nap, I am either no longer hungry or I have to leave the house to go out. This pattern can carry on all day! I then get myself into a mad panic about the fact that if this is how things are now then how much worse will they be when I go back to work in September?! It sounds like I’m making excuses but I’m just telling it how it is.

I envy the women who have their sh*t together. The women who can fit in a run before the children wake up. The women who make healthy meals for the whole family (and those meals are actually eaten). The women who haven’t let life get the better of them! The women who are actually fit and healthy!

I envy them and salute them! I however am stuck in a rut with very little light at the end of the tunnel!

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