I am fat! There, I said it. I don’t like the fact that I am fat. In fact I hate it. But fat I am nonetheless.
I wasn’t always fat. I was actually a very healthy weight up until I went to university, not that I thought it. I had a terrible body image and throughout my teenage years I would go on all sorts of fad diets. I look back now and wonder what on earth I was thinking!
So anyway, I really am fat now and I need to get my ass into gear and do something about it. I joined slimming world a few months ago and lost just over a stone in a month. I then hit a wall! I just lost all motivation. I went back last week and although I have been good this week, my motivation is still awol.
Now people can tell me until they are blue in the face that it is easy to lose weight but do you know what, I don’t find it easy. I know that I have to eat less, eat better and do more exercise. I know that! It’s easier said than done though. I can go to bed with all the will in the world and the determination to get up half an hour earlier the next morning to work out before the children wake up. 2 night feeds, countless dummy trips and a screaming toddler later the workout is literally forgotten. I honestly mean that I have no recollection of my intention the previous evening. The eating is another big issue. Some days it goes well and I stick to my healthy meal plans and feel amazing. The next day, by the time I have made breakfast for baby boy, fed baby girl, made more breakfast for baby boy, cleared up the mess that baby girl threw all over the floor, stopped the tantrum that baby boy started over his toast being the wrong shape and then put baby girl down for a nap, I am either no longer hungry or I have to leave the house to go out. This pattern can carry on all day! I then get myself into a mad panic about the fact that if this is how things are now then how much worse will they be when I go back to work in September?! It sounds like I’m making excuses but I’m just telling it how it is.
I envy the women who have their sh*t together. The women who can fit in a run before the children wake up. The women who make healthy meals for the whole family (and those meals are actually eaten). The women who haven’t let life get the better of them! The women who are actually fit and healthy!
I envy them and salute them! I however am stuck in a rut with very little light at the end of the tunnel!
Image credit – http://www.someecards.com
I love to babywear and luckily for me my babies love to be worn (well carried but you know what I mean). It really helped me to develop a bond with baby boy when he was newborn and I carried him whenever I could. If he was ever unsettled I would just put him in one of our wraps and within a few minutes he would relax. When baby boy reached the age of about 20 months however he stopped wanting ‘ups’. I was gutted. Luckily though I was pregnant with baby girl and so I knew that I didn’t have long to wait until I had another little squish whom I could carry around to my hearts content.
Now I’m not one for sticking to just one baby carrier. We have a large variety in our house. You never know which type of carrier will come in handy; ring sling for quick up and downs, structured carrier for longer trips, woven wrap for everyday. However, for the newborn stage and first few months the only carrier I like to use is a stretchy wrap. I had a moby wrap for baby boy which I was going to use again for baby girl but I happened to see a Facebook post from an American company who were moving into the UK market. Funki Flamingo were looking for people to try their stretchy wrap! I jumped at the chance.
I couldn’t wait to try it out when it arrived but I still had a way to go before baby girl was due. A brand new stretchy wrap was sat there staring at me and I had no baby to wrap. Well what was a girl to do? Bribe the toddler of course! In a ‘very bad Mummy’ moment, I promised him chocolate in return for cuddles in the wrap. It worked and a few minutes later he was snuggled up to me, securely held in the funki flamingo. Now he is small for his age but he’s not exactly tiny so I was shocked at how supportive this wrap was. If he hadn’t wanted to get down after only 5 minutes I think that I could have carried him around for a good hour if not more in this stretchy. If it felt this good carrying a toddler then I was very excited to carry a newborn.
It was a few weeks before I could put baby girl in the funki flamingo after she was born. A Caesarean section meant that I was too sore to carry her to begin with but once I felt able I went for a little walk with baby girl in the wrap. It was bliss! The fabric was smooth and soft and had just the right amount of stretch to it. Baby girl was instantly weightless and I could have carried her all day long. Some stretchy wraps are very wide but the funki flamingo is narrower than most. I see this as a good thing because it means that I didn’t have to fold it in half and therefore add an extra layer to the wrap. It made it much easier to keep baby girl at the correct temperature. Wrapping with the funki flamingo was and still is easy. The fabric glides over your shoulders and tightens really nicely. I have never had a problem with it sagging halfway through wearing and so unlike with some stretchies, I have never had to readjust it. The neutral colour means that Mr K is happy to wear it, although he still prefers a structured carrier as he hasn’t got the patience for wrapping. Despite this I would still love to see a range of colours. A bright pink one would suit me! When you are not using it it has its own little fabric, drawstring bag to keep it in. This saves room and keeps it from getting dirty. It is a little bit like wrestling a crocodile trying to get it in though. You have to roll the wrap very tightly.
Baby girl is now 7 months old and I still carry her in the funki flamingo wrap. It is still extremely comfy and I can honestly say that I will probably still be able to use it when she is well over the age of 1.
Have you tried the funki flamingo wrap? What are your thoughts?
I was given this wrap in exchange for an honest review on Amazon. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Just look at those faces. Those sweet, adorable, butter wouldn’t melt faces. Those drive me crazy, make me want to tear my hair out yet I love them unconditionally faces. Now tell me how I am supposed to leave them for up to 9 hours a day.
My maternity allowance runs out in just over a months time and I am faced with the unenviable task of finding a job. I don’t want to find a job. I want nothing less. And before anyone starts to moan at me and tell me that I’m lazy and a scrounger, it’s not that I don’t want to work per se, I just don’t want to leave my children. The thought of leaving them is tearing me up inside and some days I feel physically sick. I look at my children and despite some days just wishing that the Goblin King would come and whisk them away (it would have to be the David Bowie version obviously), the thought of leaving them in a stranger’s care is eating away at me.
I didn’t feel this way when I returned to work when baby boy was only 9 months old. In fact it felt like a sort of relief to leave the house, converse with other adults and have a bit of ‘me’ time. This time is different however. It’s the polar opposite! I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do it. Everyday I tell myself that I need to start looking for a job and everyday I procrastinate and put it off until tomorrow.
I don’t know if it’s because baby girl just seems so little still or if it’s because I am just so used to the 3 of us being wrapped up in our little bubble everyday (4 of us at weekends). I detest the idea of having to pay for somebody to look after my children for me. I imagine all of the things that I am going to miss. All of the firsts. What if baby girl takes her first steps or says her first words for somebody other than me. What if I miss baby boy recognising his numbers or pedalling a trike for the first time.
Baby girl has started to eat food now and we are still getting to grips with her allergies (cows milk protein being the main one). The thought of her being looked after by someone who doesn’t know her and her accidentally eating something that she shouldn’t frightens me to death. I run through scenarios in my head of all of the things that could go wrong. I know that it is ridiculous and that nurseries and childminders have procedures in place to protect against such incidents but I just can’t stop my mind from over-thinking.
The problem is though is that I have no choice. Whether I am ready or not, my money will soon run out and I will need to go to work. We have bills to pay and food to put on the table and the deadline is looming.
Oh what I would give to just be financially comfortable enough to stay at home and raise my children myself.
So we’ve had an early summer this year which can only mean one thing – playing outside! It’s amazing how a little warm weather can make all the difference to a day and ever since the sun has been out we’ve been spending the majority of our time doing outdoor activities.
A lot of the time we have just played in the garden. We had a new patio laid in an attempt to not only make the garden look nice but to avoid an inevitable serious injury that the uneven, stony ground was going to cause. Next to the patio I put some bark chippings and a playhouse and an old plastic toy kitchen. It is here that baby boy now spends the majority of his day. I drink endless cups of tea and eat plates of cake, all of the plastic variety, thoughtfully made by my 2 year old. It’s great fun.
The park is another favourite place at the moment. If I had to guess I would say that 60% of time there is spent on the swings, 30% on the slide and 10% on everything else. For a 2 year old, swings rule! For a Mummy, swings mean aching arms and getting kicked repeatedly when she misjudges the push. Baby boy loves them though so I give in to his cries of again, again because the look on his face and the laugh that escapes as he flies higher gives me the best feeling in the world.
It is tiring work playing outside though. Baby boy stopped having an afternoon nap shortly after baby girl was born but these past few weeks he has quite often fallen asleep for half an hour in the middle of playing. When it coincides with baby girl having a nap I feel like it’s my birthday and Christmas rolled into one (although they are actually only 3 days apart so at the time do feel like they are rolled into one). I actually got 2 fence panels painted yesterday!
Hopefully the summer has only just begun and we will have plenty of time outside. I am looking forward to baby girl learning to crawl on the grass, baby boy splashing in the paddling pool and hope against hope … A BBQ!
What are your favourite outdoor activities?
Attempting to breastfeed baby boy was one of the worst experiences of my life. I wrote a post about it early on in my blogging journey so I won’t go into detail but let’s just say that after my boobs being manhandled by more strangers than could ever be deemed necessary and still not getting the hang of it I threw in the towel. I felt like an absolute failure! It wasn’t until he was 12 months old that a health visitor asked me about his tongue tie. What tongue tie?! Apparently he has a fairly severe tongue tie and according to the specialist it’s no wonder we found breastfeeding so difficult.
With that in mind I was determined to get it right with baby girl. I read all of the information again and watched the videos. Having a c-section with an epidural this time instead of under general anesthetic meant that we could have skin to skin straight away and I was sure that it was going to work this time. However, over the few days that we were in hospital it was clear that we were having difficulty. I had exactly the same problems as with baby boy. She just wouldn’t latch and when she eventually did she either fell asleep straight away or came off after a few minutes and I had to start the whole process again. Knowing then about baby boy’s tongue tie, I asked for her to be checked. 3 different people checked her and they all said that she was fine. I was told by a midwife that I just had to learn how to latch her on myself. It wasn’t how it was supposed to go! I carried on trying once we got home but nothing worked. Baby girl was losing weight and I could feel myself going back to the dark place that trying to breastfeed baby boy took me to. There was no way I was going back there again so I stopped trying. I stopped trying to breastfeed and I gave my child formula. And guess what… I didn’t feel guilty!
However, formula feeding didn’t end the problems. Baby girl still had difficulty with a bottle. Milk would pour out of her mouth when feeding. I knew that there was something wrong. It was when she was about 5 weeks old that I started to notice that her tongue looked like baby boy’s did at the same age. If I hadn’t found out about his tongue tie I wouldn’t have thought anything of it but it got me wondering. I mentioned it to my midwife who agreed that it didn’t look quite right. She referred us to a tongue tie clinic and I’m so glad that she did. At the appointment the specialist said that she never seen a tongue tie as thick as baby girl’s and it was the most difficult one that she had ever had to snip. It was horrible watching my little girl go through such a traumatic experience but once it was done she calmed down quickly. She even took a bottle without milk pouring of her mouth. I am quite angry that despite 3 professionals checking my daughter for tongue tie it was me who found it. However, I’m glad that it has been sorted at an early age (if baby boy ever needs to have his snipped it will have to be done under general).
My breastfeeding journey was quite frankly rubbish! I regret not being stronger and maybe trying harder but ultimately I don’t regret the decisions that I made. My decisions took me out of a dark place and enabled me to focus on my family. They were the best decisions for us all. Some people look down on me for formula feeding. Some people think that I didn’t try hard enough. Some people think that I have let my children down by not breastfeeding. Well those people are one’s whose opinion I do not need! I did my best and I am doing my best and that’s all that matters.