I’m about to say something very shocking. You may not like it or understand it and may not even believe me. It is completely against our cultural, and perhaps even moral, norm. Here goes … I’m not excited to be having a baby!
There you go. Shocking isn’t it. The thing is I’m not even sure how normal it is to feel this way. A quick google search came up with lots of people asking questions on forums about not being excited to find out they were pregnant but I couldn’t find anything about it this late on. Not knowing if this is a perfectly acceptable feeling somehow makes it worse. It’s like I’m already setting myself up to fail.
I suppose it doesn’t help that nothing is really ready for this baby. The nursery has 1 coat of paint on some but not all walls and so is nowhere near ready. The cot is stored safely away in my mum’s loft and still needs a new mattress which can’t be bought until I know the measurements of said cot (apparently there is standard and continental). The hospital bags haven’t even been thought about despite numerous people “suggesting” that they should be packed and ready by now!
The worst thing though is that I don’t even know how I will be giving birth. I know that no one really does know as things don’t always go to plan (as I found out last time) but I can’t even prepare myself for what I want to happen. Everything depends on future growth scans and meetings with consultants etc. Will it be natural? Will it be a c section? Will I be able to stay at home? Will I have to go straight into hospital? It feels very unnerving to have no idea!
Articles on the Internet suggest that Mr K and I talk, sing and read to the baby. I’ve tried but don’t really get any satisfaction from doing it. Mr K just laughs when I suggest that he tries. He has even refused pretty much every offer to feel the baby move that I have made. I’m not sure that he is excited this time either.
I know that I will love the baby when they arrive but the lack of excitement now is quite frankly scary. Maybe struging to bond with baby boy has impacted this time around. Whatever the reason I hope that some sort of enthusiasm kicks in soon.
Image credit – http://www.pinterest.com
As I am almost in the third trimester I thought that I would write a little update about pregnancy number 2 so far. With baby boy I didn’t document anything and took no bump photos. I regret this now as it would be nice to look back on and compare with this time.
I made it through the first trimester with relative ease. I was very tired and had constant nauseau but was never really sick and so it wasn’t too bad. The second trimester has also not been too bad. Again I am constantly exhausted and keep getting colds but compared to the worries that a lot of people have I am doing very well. I will be honest though and say that I don’t enjoy being pregnant. That may sound horrible but it’s true. I love the end result but the actual being pregnant part is rather unenjoyable. It feels a bit like having an alien take over my body!
I feel a bit self conscious of my bump this time around. I never really lost the baby weight from having baby boy and after a c section I have a lovely, how should I describe it, pouch! I therefore feel as though my bump is too big and wobbly this time. My midwife says that I am measuring spot on though so that makes me feel a little bit better.
Due to a complicated delivery with baby boy and the fact that he had a low birth weight, I get to have extra growth scans this time. That means that I get to see baby 2 at least twice more. I’m looking forward to that!
The end date is in sight now. Almost only 12 weeks to go. Scary thought! I have nothing ready and should really get a move on.
Do you enjoy pregnancy?
At the very beginning of the pregnancy Mr K and I decided to use a relatively new service in our area, one to one midwives. They are a free, NHS funded service available in certain parts of the UK and when we found out that they operated in our area we jumped at the chance. There were a few reasons for using this service. The first being that you have a named midwife who carries out all of your appointments, delivers your baby (if you decide on a home birth) and continues your care up to 6 weeks after the birth. That’s right, one midwife! The second reason is that all appointments are carried out at home at a time to suit you. This is great for me as it means that baby boy can happily play and I don’t have to worry about him getting bored at the doctors surgery. It also means that I can fit appointments around my supply teaching.
It was my 16 week midwife appointment on Friday – cue the mad rush to get the house looking at least habitable! Luckily my midwife, Becky, was running a little bit late due to a puncture so I had a bit of extra time to hide the mess. When she arrived we sat and had a chat with a cup of tea before getting on with the appointment formalities. Everything was great and at the end she asked if I would like to see if she could find the heartbeat. It can be tricky to find at this stage as baby is still small and likes to move around a lot but I agreed to let her try and said that I wouldn’t worry if she couldn’t find it. It took a while and quite often we heard the baby swooshing past trying to evade the doppler. In the end though it stayed still for long enough for Becky to pick up the heartbeat. The look on baby boy’s face when he heard it was priceless. He was amazed! We examined that it was the baby in mummy’s tummy and, although I know he doesn’t understand still, it was lovely to see the look of wonder on his face.
So the next appointment will be the 20 week scan – half way through! This pregnancy really is flying by.
Did your pregnancy seem to go quickly or did it drag?
Image credit – http://www.pinterest.com