It has been just over 4 years since my last post! In that time the brood has expanded by 1 child (we now have 1 boy and 2 girls), 1 cat, 2 guinea pigs (both sadly deceased), 2 gerbils (1 sadly deceased) and 1 hamster. We have moved house once and I have changed jobs what seems like a million times (I have been in my current role for 2 years now and been promoted so I’m not really a quitter, I promise). Things have gone from crazy to crazier and whilst I love it, I’m not going to pretend that life is a bed of roses. I never have nor will I ever sugar coat this rollercoaster ride that is parenthood!
I’m not sure what led me to stop writing four years ago if I am honest. Perhaps I became too busy. Perhaps I lost confidence in my writing. Or perhaps I stopped making time for something that I enjoyed. My sister recently wrote an article on the importance of self care when you have children. I fully admit that for a long time, I have practised no self care whatsoever. I stopped going to the gym, I stopped reading books (and even magazines), I stopped getting my hair and nails done and I stopped writing. That is about to be rectified though. I am not expecting wonders and for my every stress to disappear. I am however going to make time for myself to do something that I enjoy.
Today I got my hair cut for the first time in a year. Nothing drastic, just a good tidy up and a bit of shape added but, my word, what an impact it has had. I feel lighter. Not just lighter in the hair region (although my amazing hairdresser did have to thin it out to the extreme) but lighter in the sense that a weight has been lifted. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that a haircut has changed my life but I think that just by taking some time away for myself has given me a more positive perspective. It has even spurred me on to open up my laptop and write this post! I have been thinking about for a while but just haven’t allowed it to become a priority in my life.
So here’s to self care, hairdressers and sisters (who write about self care in the first place)! May the positivity continue and the writing flow.. and perhaps even spur some of you lovely readers to take some time for yourself. I look forward to enthralling you all with the ups and downs of being a not so perfect parent.
He was angry, oh so angry. His face was a fetching shade of purple and his fists curled tightly into balls. The walls shook with his blood curling screams as the dog hid, shaking in the corner. Legs kicked out and items flew past my head (I’m convinced that they were meant to be aimed at me). It was like a scene from the exorcist! I kept the doors and windows firmly closed for fear of alerting the neighbours. Sweat poured down his face but he didn’t tire, if anything his energy increased as his frustration grew. I tried to pick him up but he was just too strong. All of a sudden there was calm. He smiled at me and put out his arms.
I’m not entirely sure how it started. I only offered him lunch! Obviously he didn’t want pasta.
So this week has been a bit of a nightmare. Baby boy has been ill and clingy, developing baby number 2 seems intent on sucking every last ounce of energy from me, the dog (on holiday here whilst my parents are away) can’t seem to decide if he wants to be inside the house or outside and today my stomach seems to have a spin cycle going on!
In the midst of all of this we are living in what I can only describe as a disaster zone! Mr K is working lates and so just needs to relax on his return home and once baby boy is asleep it is all I can do to lay on the sofa for an hour so that I can spend a bit of (cough cough) quality time with Mr K. Baby boy is happy enough that his toys are strewn all around but when we start to run out of clean mugs that’s when I worry!
Now I have honestly tried this week to get on top of things but between working and baby boy sat on my knee with a temperature closing in on 40 degrees I am admitting defeat and saying that I just don’t care right now. A friend of mine pointed out that cleaning and shopping can wait – my baby needs me to give him cuddles and make him feel better. I refuse to feel guilty about this. In fact I think that focussing on my child and not washing up makes me a better parent (don’t burst my bubble)!
Several times this week I have found myself looking at baby boy and thinking how nice it would be to be a child again! To have no worries, to have everything done for you and to just be loved.
Money worries have been dominating my life recently and I will admit to not being attentive enough or grateful enough for the good things that are happening all around me. I need to remind myself of a previous post where I told myself that things were not really that bad and that there are people worse off.
Yes, we may be trying to manage on a £15 a week food budget but there are others who have no food. Yes, we may be limiting the amount of times we put the heating on but there are others who cannot afford to have it on at all. Yes, we are trying to walk to most places and only use the car when necessary but there are people who cannot afford a car at all. Yes, we may be going without the luxuries in life but there are others who do not even have the basics.
I am lucky! I have a roof over my head, food on my table, a wonderful family and all in all a good life. It may be hard at the moment but who doesn’t go through difficult patches every now and again. I look at my son and whilst I think how nice it would be to be a child again, I know that I wouldn’t change where I am now for the world. All I have to do is make sure that he has happy memories so that when he is older he wishes that he were a child again, not because life is hard for him but because he had such fun growing up!